Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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