I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
