do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's blow job season.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
