Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
