hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
