Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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