Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
