and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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