The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
