Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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