she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
