Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
