yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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