Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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