sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
