I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
