Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
