I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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