what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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