glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
