I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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