Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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