So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
