I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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