You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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