You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
