the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
