I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
