i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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