She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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