I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
