I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
