Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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