ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
