You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
