i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
