hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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