this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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