i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
