the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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