On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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