Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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