Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
