i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
