So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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