Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
