paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she looked like the before picture.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
