I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
