is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
