he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
