saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
